This is just my diary. I'm going to fill it with all the things that circle around and around in my head. I have an eating disorder and I don't want to quit it until I'm good enough. So this is my thinspo as well. I'm not interested in followers, I just need somewhere to escape to and let everything go.
fuck. The other night I met this guy at party. We started talking and it was gr8 and we smoked and shared drinks and danced and then we just started kissing I guess and it was lovely. He kept telling me how amazing and beautiful I was and no one has said that to me in like a really long time. It was like we were old friends, the way we laughed and talked about everything and he took the piss out of me and we just had banter and things. We stayed awake until like 4am and then we went to find somewhere to sleep and ended up on the floor with just a blanket and it was sweet and then he like tried it on and I said no and pulled his hands away so we just made out for a bit but we didn’t talk after that and he just went to sleep. I had to be up at 7 for work so I didn’t go to sleep.. I just lay there waiting.. When I left he was still asleep so I wrote my number down because he kept asking for it that night and telling me we have to meet up again and so I figured that was the right thing to do and it would be cute. Baring in mind that he was my total opposite. Like, what I would consider a chav. If we went to the same school we would never, ever speak, like ever. Which is weird. Guys like him, charming, flirtatious guys, don’t normally go for girls like me. So it was a surprising match. Anyway, it’s been 3 days and he hasn’t texted or anything but he told my friends that he had a great time with me and stuff and now I can’t sleep and I’m really hung up on this and I don’t know why but I can’t tell anyone because they’re all mutual friends and I want to seem casual about it because if I make a big deal, I’ll probably get hurt. Baring in mind I’ve had like 1 meaningful relationship ever and no one since. And he’s hooked up with a lot of different girls, all pretty and probably less likely to be virgins and things. It wouldn’t matter but it’s the way he said he wanted to keep in touch and the words that he said. I don’t have much experience of guys chatting me up.. Was that just him trying to get me into bed? Probably.
